An awkward and depressing thing happened today.
You see, there was this girl. I'll call her Ruby. I met Ruby during my sophomore year of high school, and I immediately liked her. She was shy and awkward, just like me in a lot of ways, and I was immediately drawn to that.
If there's one thing I've learned, though, it's that young girls can be especially cruel. Two girls in my church group were particularly mean to Ruby, and were constantly saying things about her behind her back, bursting into giggles whenever she spoke like she was the butt of some private joke. I felt awful for Ruby, and I made a point to sit next to her at seminary, talk with her on the ride to school, and to sit with her in the hallway. I could tell Ruby knew the other girls spoke behind her back, but I denied it, and told her she was imagining things. After all, those same two girls often spoke behind my back as well (I later became close friends with one, who apologized); I'd learned the only way to be happy was to try to ignore it and focus on the kind things people said. So I told Ruby that she was sweet and wonderful. I asked her how on earth could anyone speak poorly of her behind her back. In my mind, trying to outdo this lie by being her friend was the one thing that would help Ruby look back on high school as being a good experience in her life.
It was only a few months before Ruby moved away, and we never spoke after that, aside from a few singles activities where multiple wards came together, but she had new friends now, and she seemed happy.
It's been seven years since I last spoke to Ruby. One day, she looked me up on Facebook. I was excited to find out how things had been for her in the past seven years. But it turns out that Ruby wasn't interested in seeing how I was doing. Ruby was only interested in a statement I had made regarding equal human rights. She told me that we'd been so mean to her in high school, and spoken behind her back. She said it was unfair that I should be so open about my opinions on Facebook, when I'd mocked her for her opinions with all of the other girls.
I was heartbroken. Ruby had held onto those memories for seven years, and worst of all... somehow, she'd forgotten my role in her life, and had lumped me in with all of the other girls. It was incredibly depressing, not only because the things people had said had stuck with her for so long, but also because I realized that I had failed to make any sort of difference in her life at all.
I'd always thought that kindness was one of the most important gifts you could give. But in the long run, does it really make any difference at all?
4 didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!:
Ruby may not have remembered how you treated her back then, but YOU do... and I am sure it made a difference to her at the time, even if she doesn't remember it clearly now.
The thing is sweetie, you made a choice to be there and help someone. Even if she chooses to not accept that kindness or acknowledge it, it doesn't change the fact that it happened.
The difference is what this has done to you...how it helped mold you into the kind and compassionate person that you are.
No act of kindness is ever in vain, and no compassionate gesture is wasted...regardless of the outcome.
Kindness is the most important gift you can give someone. Kindness toward others is what binds us together as a society. Kindness is what makes it worthwhile to live in this world.
Memory can be unreliable. Its sad that she doesn't remember the kindness that you offered her but you can't let that stop you from offering it to others. You tried to make a difference in her life and maybe during the time that she knew you it helped but over time she forgot. It is depressing to be lumped in with the other girls that hurt her but you know that you weren't one of them. Kindness is should be given freely, whether or not others accept it is up to them.
I wish I had better(more comforting) words for you but the above is the best I can right now.
Thats really too bad that her recollection of the past is incorrect. All that matters is that YOU are awesome! and YOU didn't get involved in the mocking and making her feel bad.
Maybe she'll eventually realize that she was wrong. And although it hurts to hear her view on the past, I am sure there are plenty of people who know how you are. I'm sorry that she made you feel bad! :(
I have been in a similar situation before too, our group of friends took in a new girl at school and we did all we could to make her feel accepted and comfortable only to find that later on she spread all kinds of rumors about us and said a lot of bad things! IT really sucks to find out the true core of some people.
Thanks Danny :3 She deleted the post right after she said it, but I don't think she realized that FB emailed me a copy. I didn't confront her about it, so it makes me wonder if she felt embarrassed and that's why she deleted it, or if maybe she really did remember what happened.
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